So I was in Target looking for a new comforter set that was different from my normal tan and black. I had some purple curtains I bought a couple years ago that I decided to hang, so I figured I'd go with a purple and grey (or even hold on to the tan to go with the purple) scheme for the bedroom...
So I'm looking and (over)analyzing comforter choices to go with the light purple sheet set I picked out the day before, deciding that all the grey stuff was just too boring, and the tan stuff looked like everything I had ever bought in the past. Then I came across this deep purple set, on sale for 60 bucks for comforter, shams, and bedskirt, with only one set left. Only thing, it was REALLY purple, albeit with some silver/grey trim that fit the color scheme I wanted. But I wasn't sure all that purple was masculine enough for me. So I stood there-and stood there-trying to make up my mind whether to buy the set.
After who knows how many minutes of this typical (for me) paralysis by analysis session, two attractive women came into the aisle to look at some comforters. The longer I stood there, the closer they came to me, until they were standing right next to me, checking out some comforters next to the one I was staring at.
Now those who know me have a pretty good idea of what my normal response to this situation would be: to either a) freeze up, or b) make a hasty escape. In all my almost 50 years I have NEVER approached a woman,and have generally frozen up on the rare occasions one has initiated a conversation with me. So now there are not one, but TWO women standing next to me, while I'm already in brain lock about the damned comforter, and this was a recipe for outright panic...
...but after a brief slide towards catatonia, I somehow snapped out of it! I started silently chanting to myself "talk to them, talk to them, talk to them..." And lucky for me, they seemed not to be in any hurry, as they were taking as much time looking over different comforters as I was fixated on the one (and now on talking to them).
Finally, I heard a voice that sounded like mine, and that seemed to be coming from somewhere inside of me say, "Excuse me, but do you think this comforter set is too much purple or too feminine for a man?" And wonder of wonders, the earth didn't split open and swallow me up, and neither woman laughed or rolled their eyes, or showed any other other signs of disdain at this funny looking nerdy guy actually talking to them...
"No, I don't think it's too feminine," said the first lady: dark skinned, short, petite, and curvy.
"No, not at all," said the taller, thicker, medium brown lady. "It's unisex."
"Okay, that's good to know," I said. "I think I was worried about it being too much purple. I'm so used to buying stuff that's tan or brown or black, and I wanted to do something different, but I didn't want it to be too much."
"You probably buy stuff like this, don't you?", asked the petite lady, pointing to a particularly drab tan print comforter. We all got a laugh at that as I confessed that I've had stuff along those lines.
"So do you live alone?" asked the petite lady.
"Yes, I do."
"Well what colors do you have in the rest of the room?" asked the taller lady.
"Well, I pulled out some purple curtains I had at my apartment, and hung those, which I why I was looking for something that had a little purple in it."
"Hmmm, that could be a bit too much purple," said the taller one, leading to a conversation about different ideas on what I could do in the room.
After taking all the suggestions in, I thanked the ladies for their help, grabbed the comforter off the shelf, and expressed some optimism that this was going to look great in my bedroom. As I started to walk away, the petite woman said, "So I guess people are going to be asking you who helped you decorate your bedroom."
"Well, actually, I do pretty good with my decorating. I get asked that all the time. That and who helped me with my cooking."
"Oh, so you cook too? How come you're not married?"
Now had I already started walking away after thanking them, and not missing a stride, I turned my head and said,"Oh I already been there and done that", which led to laughter all around.
"Thanks again."
"You're welcome," they said in unison, with a wave from each.
No sooner had I turned out of the aisle did I begin to regret not stopping and staying to pursue the conversation. Asking me if I lived alone, hinting around about "people" asking me who was helping me decorate? Asking why I'm not married? I know I'm fairly dense when it comes to recognizing whether a woman is interested, but those HAD to be signs the petite woman wanted a little more than a discussion about comforters...RIGHT? Oh well, that was an opportunity missed, and I was a little bummed about that, but on the other hand, this was a somewhat step forward in my heretofore non-existent ability to approach women. Maybe next time I'm near an attractive woman I won't be frozen at the thought of talking to her. And maybe next time I'll actually hang around long enough to get a phone number...
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